Oh.... Parenting

Parenting... not parenting... Parenting, with a capital P. Maybe it should be in parentheses as well... "Parenting". There. The only thing more exhausting than actually raising a child and being a good parent is dealing with other parents. Fathers are largely exempt from the Parenting Wars, however. We have other traditional roles to fill which generally occupy the bulk of our daily thinking. Mothers, however, are seem to be constantly at war with each other over parenting.

Raising children is such an emotion driven activity. People are less likely to think clearly when their child's well being is at stake than at almost any other time. Hence, the Parenting Wars.

Let's face it. No one likes missionaries. Missionaries... you know, those annoying people who feel it is their duty to save the rest of the world from itself. Those people who were suddenly awakened to some profound "truth" and have a pathological need to inflict their new-found superiority on the rest of the world. The worst ones are the ones with some book you must read to "understand". I find this is usually the ending line to a conversation in which the person fails miserably to communicate exactly what the great truth is that they are so hyped up about. "Well, you have to read the book... it explains everything!" Right...

That book might be the Bible, or the Book of Mormon, or the Celestine Prophesy, or some tripe by Al Franken... or Anne Coulter. Or it might be some book that tells you exactly how you should raise your children. There are quite a few... Without exception (in personal experience) every mother has a set of books by which they raise their children. My mother had Dr. Spock for better or worse. My sister has her own library and my wife has hers as well. The other mothers we associate with through "play group", church, work, the nieghborhood, they all have their own books they discuss together. But they forget that they each arrived at their book of choice through a personal path that is unique to them and their child. After they forget that, they decide to get everyone to raise their children the same way... which can only irritate and infuriate other mothers who are doing just fine with their own decisions. Well established friendships can be torn apart in a few weeks over these issues. The borders of friendship can be redrawn radically based on another parent's views on Parenting. The more militant a parent is about their stle of Parenting, the greater the rifts.

I don't like militants. In fact, I really don't like being told what to think or do at all. I'm a good Dad and Ashley is a good Mom. 30% of my decision to marry her was based on that alone. Our little Owen is happy, healthy and smart... I don't give a crap about some "system" developed by a midwife, doctor or random parent who has never met my child. In fact, all systems should be avoided. We're not going to participate in "Attachment Parenting" or "Furberizing" or whatever... we're firm believers in the "Raising Our Own Child" system. My conspiracy theory? It's that these books are written for parents who have no clue how to raise a child. Each one pushing some hidden agenda. Training young children into some socio-political mindset for future culture wars... I'm writing with my tongue in my cheek... but only slightly. Seriously, look at the systems and find their agendas... there's a war going on. There are groups out there that think some style of parenting is dangerous for children or society and that vast groups of people in the world are out to harm the children and that they must be stopped. If you think you know who I mean... It is hilarious, because you probably belong to one of those groups... and those other people think you are the dangerous ones.

It's absurd... It amounts to this:
"Don't read that book... that book is bad. It was written by people who have their own interests in mind and is a terrrible book. If you follow what that book your baby will be in danger. Society is trying to keep you from finding out about the truth. Here, read this book... this is a good book. The people who wrote this book care about children. You should follow what this book says because it's right... or natural... or good... whatever. Not like that other book."

The bottom line here, is that you should never put all your trust in any one particular theory or system. You have to consider both sides seriously and interpolate the best strategy for you and your children. No one person has a window on the truth. Anyone who claims to be in possession of the absolute truth is an idiot. You educate yourself on both sides of the issue, then you look at your life and decide what's best for you. If you blind yourself to contrasting viewpoints, you're missing out on a lot of the truth. In anycase, you can tell a lot about a person by what they avoid, fear or hate. Fear, or hatred, is a reaction people have when they see something outside that appears to be a reflection of something they are afraid of, or hate, within themselves. The stronger the fear or hatred the more profound the internal indentification. People who evangelicize their beliefs tend to be the least secure in them. Forget the hype and the trends... pay attention to your child and do what they seem to be telling you to do. If more parents spent some time actually trying to understand their children rather than cramming them into some system, the world might be better off.

*fade to black and cue Kenny Rogers singing "The Gambler"*