Complete breakdown

Last night I went and spent the night with some friends that used to go to school with me. Their names are Shaun and Mackenzie (boyfriend and girlfriend, not brother and sister). But, on March 15th last year Shaun lost his dad. This year he's been gone for one year. I remember the day that it happened. I was on my way to the gas station down the road from my house, and I went over to Mackenzie's house to see if her or Shaun would like to come with me. So I get there and their friend bill let's me in. Kenz was in the shower and after he told me that, he told me that Shaun's dad had died that morning at about 6:30. I felt so bad for Shaun, you have no idea. So, I went and did my business at the gas station, and went back to wait for Shaun to get home from the hospital.

Now I told you that to tell you this. When I was at their house last night Shaun and his brother Chris were both there. Something came up and Chris casually said "You remember when dad used to...". And sometimes I wonder how they could ever talk about him without just breaking down. I mean their guys, and the type of guys who would try their hardest not to cry in front of ANYONE, so I can see why they don't. But if I lost my dad, I would never be the same EVER! Not too long after his dad passed I started thinking about if I were in his situation and actually cried just thinking about it. And I don't cry very often at all.

For my last essay in my Changing Heroes class before the year ended we had to write about our real life heroes. Now I try not to really have a single hero, more than one is better, but I did my essay on my dad. You can read it by clicking on this.... or maybe not because I guess I don't know how to put it there. But anyway, if you would like to read it let me know and I'll send it to you.

This brought to my mind....

This song brought Mark to my mind. I recomend this to everyone. It's call "The Trapeze Swinger" by Iron & Wine.

"please remember me, happily
by the rosebush laughing
with bruises on my chin, the time when
we counted every black car passing
your house beneath the hill, and up until
someone caught us in the kitchen
with maps, a mountain range, a piggy bank
a vision too removed to mention

but please remember me, fondly
i heard from someone you're still pretty
and then they went on to say that the Pearly Gates
had some eloquent graffiti
like: “we'll meet again” and “fuck the Man”
and “tell my mother not to worry”
and angels with their great handshakes
but always done in such a hurry

and please remember me, at Hallowe’en
making fools of all the neighbors
our faces painted white, by midnight
we'd forgotten one another
and when the morning came i was ashamed
only now it seems so silly
that season left the world and then returned
and now you're lit up by the city

so please remember me, mistakenly
in the window of the tallest tower
call, then pass us by, but much too high
to see the empty road at happy hour
gleam and resonate just like the gates
around the Holy Kingdom
with words like: “lost and found” and “don't look down”
and “someone save temptation”

and please remember me as in the dream
we had as rug-burned babies
among the fallen trees and fast asleep
beside the lions and the ladies
that called you what you like and even might
give a gift for your behavior:
a fleeting chance to see a trapeze-
swinger high as any savior

but please remember me, my misery
and how it lost me all i wanted
those dogs that love the rain, and chasing trains
the colored birds above there running
in circles round the well, and where it spells
on the wall behind St. Peter
so bright with cinder gray in spray paint:
“who the hell can see forever?”

and please remember me, seldomly
in the car behind the carnival
my hand between your knees, you turn from me
and said the trapeze act was wonderful
but never meant to last, the clowns that passed
saw me just come up with anger
when it filled the circus dogs, the parking lot
had an element of danger

so please remember me, finally
and all my uphill clawing
my dear, but if i make the Pearly Gates
i’ll do my best to make a drawing
of God and Lucifer, a boy and girl
an angel kissin’ on a sinner
a monkey and a man, a marching band
all around the frightened trapeze-swinger

nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah …"