it's all downhill from here

*To better understand Mr. Alfody's review please reference the Malachai glossary.

So the other night I was drinking some who-shot with some friends at a bar. It was Friday night, we had just gotten paid, and we were looking for a little gimcrack. I was particularly looking for some twink because I had been spending too much time in the spirit world. It was starting to be too much, so tonight I was going to try shilohing. I was a little on edge because my friends had already called me a power shield and said I’d have more fun riding the ponies of darkness. All I could say was, "Love a man," and buy another who-shot.

Then while voy’s lifing I noticed the una requita de aquella across the bar. "Fuck shilohing," I thought, "Tonight’s the night for steeding and it’s about time I take it and wear it on a necklace." I had another who-shot and realized that I was effed. I knew if I went over and tried to talk to her I was endanger of glope gliding, but I guess that’s what happens when you are phew-treffed. "Hi. Can I buy you a drink?" "Why don’t you draw these legs." I was about to give her the silencio, but I gave it another shot. "How about a who-shot?" "Make it an anti-bolshevik and I might consider it"

So we get to talking and this girl is totally balls nagical. After many more anti-bolsheviks we went back to my place and I got some gimcrack. The whole night was so Spring Break ’99 . The next day I was telling my friends about the four times beaver that I went home with when they said she looked more like a BBS woman. Maybe it is time for shilohing.

* All bold words are slang of the band and are defined in the album’s liner notes.

Warning: do not get this album solely to satisfy your curiosity about what theses words mean. Save yourself the time and money and make something up. Unless you like misogynistic frat-boy pop songs that read like the above story, Malachai has nothing
to offer anyone over twelve year old potty humor. I really have no idea how this band got off the bar stool or put down the bong long enough to record this.

Review by by Kevin Alfoldy